That Runners high

 

Today I set out to run between 3-5kms and ended up running 7.7km around the whole Estuary. I know it isn't exactly a marathon and it may not seem like very far to the ultramarathon runners out there, but I’m pretty proud of that effort. Ironically there was a time when I use to run the Estuary as my “short training run” back when I was training for a half marathon.

To be honest I didn’t feel super motivated to run today, so I put on a Francis Chan Sermon to distract myself. To my surprise I felt good while running. I got to the 3km mark and was barely puffing so instead of turning around and heading back to my car, I decided to try run the whole Estuary. I figured I could always walk if I got too tired. To my surprise at the 5k mark I was still feeling good, so I challenged myself to run to the roadside. I got to the roadside and still had energy so then I ran across the bridge by Briscoes. At that point I stopped to walk as I was only a few 100 meters from my car. The furthest I’ve ran this year has been 5ks and by the end of 5ks I’m usually completely exhausted. Today I had that 'runner's high' feeling, and I felt great.

I was trying to work out what was different about today’s run, why was it somehow easier when I was running further. I realised it was because my mind wasn’t on the run, I was listening to the words of a great sermon and that sermon helped me to fix my mind on Jesus which in turn enabled me to run more easily. When I realised this, it felt like it was a metaphor for life. Fixing our eyes on Jesus is what enables us to run our race. It seems so simple, yet it is a daily struggle. Our minds get so consumed by so many things and it seems impossible at times to “fix our eyes on Jesus.” I’m the first to admit I don’t always fix my mind on Jesus. I go weeks (if I'm being even more honest) months, without reading my bible. I’ve wrestled with my faith this year; I’ve been angry at God. The pain of losing Evangeline has been all-consuming at times.

The thing about God is, when you turn to God in prayer, or read His Word, everything your feeling gets exposed. I can hide my pain to a certain degree from others, I can distract myself too. But in those moments, where I turn to Jesus all that grief and raw pain comes to the surface, nothing is hidden. At times it has been easier to avoid the one person who can put all the pieces of my broken heart back together and somehow bring beauty out of ashes. The one who draws out and exposes all that pain not to hurt me, but to heal me. The thing about grief is it must be felt. I’ve learnt it never fully goes away but it does get lighter. God knows the best way through grief is to grieve. 

So 7.7ks may not be a Marathon, but in my eyes it is an achievement I’m proud of. 5 months ago, in a period of just 24 hours I had major abominable surgery, met and held my daughter and then had her pass in my arms. I could barely walk for a few weeks as I recovered from surgery. After 7 weeks I rejoined Boot camp, because I needed an outlet and it got me out of the house at least twice a week. I could easily have stayed in bed every day, but I decided to be active instead. My first run post-partum was after 8 weeks, I ran 2.7kms at a 7min pace. It's now been just over 3 months since I got back into running. I know just as I’m physically recovering and getting stronger/fitter, I am/ will also get emotionally and mentally stronger too.
The very best way to run this race of life through the valleys and peaks is to fix our eyes on Jesus. Running helps too  😉.

If you want to listen to the sermon that inspired me to run the extra mile today here’s the link: Rejoice in Suffering



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